A mothers love

Nothing can prepare you for leaving your babies - Especially when it's for the first time. I made lists, I packed, I planned... But when the time came to put them in my moms care it was like nothing before. 

I remind when I left Greta for the first time. I literally cried the whole way to Lansing. This time not as many tears but way more worry and stress and fear and anxiety.

I worry if Lola will be okay. Will she take a bottle all day okay? Will she sleep okay without me close by? Will she still nurse when I get back? Will Greta even care I'm gone? Haha- I hope she does. 

Stressed that I have to pump and dump almost all the milk. Will my supply be okay? Will my pump work? Will my boobs explode (lol)? Will I enjoy myself a little? Is it bad I might enjoy a night of sleep without interruption? But will miss my little cuddle buddy or my mama morning call. 

Listening to a crying baby at the airport no longer annoys me (not that it ever really did). Now it makes me sad. Sad that it's not my baby crying. Sad because if it was then she'd be with me. Sad that I can't hug and kiss them and make them feel better. Sad because I would give anything to hear a cry, a laugh, a babble, a yell for Mama - pretty much anything.

So here's my prayer...

Dear God, 

Please keep me safe on my travels. Watch over me and give me the strength to preserve through these next few days. Watch over Lola and Greta. Make sure they know how much I love them and will be back soon. Take care of my mom and keep her sain and help her protect my babies. Be with Ryan as he travels and misses the girls too. 

Amen.